Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Do you ever stop missing them....

Happy 73rd Birthday to my Dad yesterday.  This day always seems to sneak up on me. As always it makes me think of my dad and how much I miss him.  Does it ever stop?   My brother Matthew's family is in Seattle this week for their Spring Break.  Below is a picture of them bringing flowers to the grave and doing their best to remember him.  Or maybe know him, since none of them have every met him. 
As I have said before, my dad would want me to smile today. To chase away the Sad. To look at his grandkids and let them know they are cherished.  And to know, with unwavering faith, that he is here, no matter the distance.

Today 28 years ago is the day my life forever changed. This is the day that my most favorite person in my world, at that time, died. My life has never been the same again since she passed on.  I miss her so much.  I use to think that in time, this feeling would go away, but it hasn't and probably never will. I miss my mom anytime someone talks about what their mom does for them. I miss her when I wake up and when I go to bed. I miss her as I look at my children and imagine the spectacular Grandma they don't realize they would have had and how involved she would have been in their life.  I miss her at any of the  milestones that happen and I miss her advice and just her silliness.  Kara is the age now, that I was when my mom died. It is hard to believe, because she feels so young, but I was that young!

As I said at another anniversary, On this day mom, I want you to know of my love for you--my gratitude for being your daughter. We all now work to live the kind of lives that will take us to where you are. You set the standard and we are trying to reach it. after you left, I prayed and asked you to wait for me there. Someday I will feel your hugs again and hear your voice. Until then, I will wait. I will think of you and teach my  children all that you taught me. I will wait.....
I love you mom

3 comments:

Jenny said...

Wow. It is all about perspective. Just the other day, while looking at pictures of Kara and other cute girls getting ready for prom it hit me that I will never have a daughter to dress up and send out to a dance like that. For a couple of days all of those mother/daughter things that I felt so much loss over just jumped out at me. I hadn't considered it from the other perspective. I'm sorry you've had to go so much of your life without your mom. My mom lost her mother in early adulthood, (I was just a few years old) and I have spent my adult years very aware of how fortunate I am to have a mom to help me navigate through adulthood. I feel like my sadness and loss is over something imaginary while yours is over people who are very real. I'm sorry you have to miss both of your parents and that they don't get to be here. I can't help but think that they must be so proud of you. You are an amazing person that I am so happy to call my friend.

Unknown said...

You were very young. Kara is very young. That's crazy our girls are the same age we were. I agree completely with everything u said, it comes stronger some days but u r tight never goes away. Your dads right don't be sad just look forward!

Unknown said...

That's crazy our girls are the age we were. Seems forever ago but I also think wow I was so young. Dads right don't be sad! I too miss her more each day than the last.