I turned the age my mother never got to become. For some reason as my birthday has approached I have felt a heavy heart. It is amazing how grief can be. The whole time I was 43 it felt like I was kind of holding my breath, wondering if I would die young like my mom. Intellectually, I knew I wouldn't die, but emotionally I felt like I could. It just seems unfair to outlive your mom. It just doesn't feel right.
Matt wanted to watch the movie Charly this last week. It really made me tear up and think about my mom. Generally, I am not an emotional person, but that movie made me sob. I know that life isn't fair, but when it comes to my mom and dad dying so young, I wish it was. I am grateful my 43rd year is over. I already feel the relief. I want to live the best life possible, to show how grateful I am for the time I have been given. I hope my mom knows how grateful I am for her. I am grateful for my life. I know it can quickly be taken away.
On this day mom, I want you to know of my
love for you--my gratitude for being your daughter. We all now work to
live the kind of lives that will take us to where you are. You set the
standard and we are trying to reach it. after you left, I prayed and asked you to
wait for me there. Someday I will feel your hugs again and hear your
voice. Until then, I will wait. I will think of you and teach my children all that you taught me. I will wait.....
I love you mom
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