For you Dad......

21 years. In life, that's a long time.  But, what is it when you have missed someone that long? Lived without them present in your every day? Grief and Sadness are strange things. Time seems to be the only balm to coat it's edges. When you so desperately miss someone, Time feels slow and cruel. There is no walking around it, only through it.

I've come to understand a lot in the last 21 years. Well, as far as Grief goes. In the beginning, it's all consuming. Time seems to slowly gather it in and tuck it away, only to be unleashed in unannounced visits. The heart ache never disappears. I really don't think it's supposed to. Love doesn't  work that way.

For some reason this day is harder for me than his birthday and Father's Day.  This ordinary October  day. The one 21 years ago that slowed my world and forced it onto a different path. One not of my choosing.

 But in the Sad, even within it's darkest depths, there has always been a light. At times, it's been hard to see it. At others, it's so blinding it makes me smile. When you hold Love and Grief together, I guess that's what happens.

My dad would want me to smile today. To chase away the Sad. To look at his grandkids and let them know they are cherished.  And to know, with unwavering faith, that he is here, no matter the distance.

So, for today. I will smile.

And I will remember.

For you.