I've thought of you today. It's been painful because I miss you. It is hard sometime to accept that you are not here. I exist on the belief that you have to be here somewhere. You just have to, because my own existence is defined by it. I close my eyes and I can see you. I hear your voice on the other end of the phone. I cry and then quietly beg and plead for you to come back. Please just come home and walk through the door. Please just call and reassure us that everything will eventually work out.
Everywhere I go, I am reminded of you. I can't escape it. I never expected that my memories would haunt me with the reality of what I have lost for the future. It's as if the deepest part of my soul has gone missing and can't be replaced. Why has that happened? How can it be fixed? I'm sure there is no answer to satisfy my questions. And even if there were, the pain would still remain. It's present more than I would like. The prickly edges of the pain have slightly worn down, but its core is fixated inside me. I don't know if it will ever leave.
On this day I want you to know of my love for you--my gratitude for being your daughter. We all now work to live the kind of lives that will take us to where you are. You set the standard and we are trying to reach it. after you left, I prayed and asked you to wait for me there. Someday I will feel your hugs again and hear your voice. Until then, I will wait. I will think of you and teach my children all that you taught me. I will wait.....
I love you mom
