I use to have it all together....

I used to have it together. Well, what I mean, is  I used to have the time to get it together. Really.  But as I get older each day becomes  a precious commodity. I seem to find fragments of it here and there, but nothing sustainable. Most often I feel like I'm grabbing the loose ends and gathering it all up at the last possible moment. Can you relate?

Time has been slowly draining away for the past couple of years. But now it feels like a downpour. It really doesn't make sense to me because I thought that after my children left the home that I would have oodles of extra time.  Well, I have learned that just isn't so.

I remember my life when my oldest barely fit into his first pair of shoes. I had time then. Loads of it. Time enough to play ball with him.  I felt like time was going so slow.  Now he lives in the Middle East and I would love to be able to play ball with him. Now my youngest is growing up so fast and I am running just to keep up with her. Somewhere between the then and now, time melted away.

Do you ever get a brain cramp just from looking at your calendar? Can I possibly be the only one? Surely not. Surely I'm not the only one who wants to grab her family and fold them into the stillness of time. To shut out the crazy and soak in the calm. Surely that is you too.

So, what's to be done now? I wish I knew. Life is still life. Schedules must be kept and oh how I wish I could form a good carpool or two so I didn't feel like I was driving Kara all over the valley.  Homework still arrives daily and dinner must be fed. There is no getting around it all. Maybe that's my problem. I'm trying to weave around life. I'm spending all my energy chasing every corner and task, but never really catching up.

I believe the answer lies in the stillness. The one that rests in between the driving, the cooking, the errands and the list making. It resides there, just waiting to be found. What if we spend our energy finding those spots? What if we look for the quiet admist the noise? I'm guessing we just might find time again. At least a cherished portion of it.

I think I'll stop trying to get it together. Reality is, as soon as I do, it will all untangle again. Don't you agree? So, I think I'll try standing still for awhile. Not long, but long enough. Surely if I'm quiet and turn my eyes away from the calendar, I'll find time waiting. Mine for the taking.

Let's all be still. Then we can find time together...